Silence, Warmth… and Other Male Dilemmas

Christmas signifies warmth, comfort, closeness. A setting that promises emotional connection. For many, however, this season works in reverse—as a period that sharply highlights difficulties in managing emotional intimacy. The social expression of closeness is often experienced as discomfort. A kind of emotional awkwardness. Something between the need to be close and the need to keep distance. Not because there is no feeling, but because there is no space for it to be expressed.

By Maria Mylona

In therapy sessions, we often see people struggling with what attachment theory calls an avoidant attachment style. This is a relational management strategy rooted in early experiences where emotional expression was either ignored or deemed inappropriate or weak. As a result, in adult life, closeness may be experienced as a threat to autonomy and control—elements closely linked to traditional male identity.
The silence by the fireplace is not accidental. It is familiar. And for some, protective. Presence without many words, observation without touch, warmth from a distance—these function for some as mechanisms of emotional survival. We are not talking about coldness or indifference, but about something more complex: the difficulty of translating feeling into action. Of expressing it. Of revealing it.

Being a man is often equated with having no needs. Yet the holidays are the time when needs—emotional, relational, existential—become more intense, and the conflict between inner desire and its socially acceptable expression becomes more visible. Some men may experience the holidays not as an opportunity for warmth, but as pressure. The food, the crowded home, the expectation that everyone should be fine becomes a silent reminder that there is no room for introversion or even sadness. As a result, sex may function as an indirect way of connecting—a form of intimacy without the emotional exposure that words or tenderness bring. A way to come closer without feeling vulnerable.

From my perspective as a psychologist, the holiday season is the densest period for issues related to the management of intimacy. Men who feel pressure to live up to an image that does not include them in their entirety. A lack of emotional vocabulary does not mean a lack of emotion, yet it is often misinterpreted as such. There is no easy solution. We can begin by acknowledging—without shame and without haste—our feelings, and then giving them space. Perhaps this is true intimacy. Not the perfect frame in front of the fireplace, but the ability to be imperfect, open, and present.
The silence of the fireplace is not the problem. It may be the beginning. Instead of hiding behind it, let us choose to listen to it.

Maria Mylona is a Health Psychologist and Integrative Psychotherapist / www.mariamylona.gr