by Maria Mylona

Sexual fantasies are a fundamental aspect of human sexuality. Research shows that almost everyone occasionally experiences erotic images or scenarios that arouse them, regardless of whether they intend to put them into practice.

In my daily work with couples, I often encounter the embarrassment, rejection, or even guilt that the disclosure of fantasies can trigger. Men, in particular, often appear more hesitant when faced with the “different” or the “unconventional” aspects of their partner’s fantasies.

The most common fantasies involve group sexual activity, control and power (BDSM), adventure in new settings, non-monogamy, as well as taboo or forbidden scenarios. At the same time, there are fantasies of a romantic nature or of experimenting with gender identity and role. What they all have in common is that they are products of the psyche and should not automatically be interpreted as intentions for action. Fantasy often functions as a “safe laboratory,” where the individual can test out scenarios without real risk.
At the relationship level, fantasies can cause turmoil when one partner struggles to accept them. Traditionally, men tend to perceive unusual fantasies as a threat to their self-image or as something that jeopardizes the normality of the relationship. This often leads to silence, concealment, or conflict. Women, on the other hand, often seem more open to acknowledging their fantasies, even if they do not wish to act on them. This gap can foster mutual distrust.

Therapeutic experience shows that open discussion about fantasies—not with the aim of realizing them, but in order to understand them—strengthens emotional intimacy. When a couple manages to speak without criticism or irony, fantasy becomes a bridge of understanding rather than a cause of rupture. The principle of “safe, sane, consensual” applies not only to practice but also to dialogue: a safe environment, a rational attitude, and mutual consent in exchanging views.

For the therapist, fantasies are valuable material. They reveal needs, fears, and unconscious conflicts. They can shed light on how each partner gives meaning to intimacy, desire, and boundaries. The goal is not to normalize fantasies nor to encourage their enactment, but to cultivate mutual respect.

In a society that often projects overly simplified images of sexuality, learning to talk about fantasies calmly and with mutual understanding is a sign of maturity. Even if they remain only in the realm of thought, fantasies can serve as an opportunity for deeper connection and meaningful dialogue. That is where their therapeutic value lies—not in action, but in recognition and communication.

Maria Mylona is a Health Psychologist and Integrative Psychotherapist / www.mariamylona.gr